A little inspiration

Hold on to the biggest, most ambitious vision you can imagine. And be willing to get your hands dirty doing the little things that will make it happen.

Surgery in 9 days

The phone call from the hospital was the pre-admission screening. Now I have to go in tomorrow for more blood tests. And I have the sleep study there tomorrow night, too.

I forgot to add that what I've been reading on the Cervical Laminectomy doesn't completely cover what they're doing to me. Nowhere in any of the literature does it mention a tumor or schwannoma. And the things I've been finding read that recovery is 7-10 days! They told me 4-6 weeks!

Well, DUH!

I forgot to write that I went to the hospital for an echo-cardiogram 2D with doplar on Saturday morning. Then I went to have the last blood test the surgeon ordered & it turns out that it's a blood type test, so they have to band me & I have to wear the band until the surgery! So they suggested that I come back a few days before the surgery so I don't have to wear the band that long.

But when I got home, there was a message from the hospital! NOW WHAT?

So today, mom felt that I needed a break so we took the kids swimming to a local resort where we used to spend every Memorial & Labor Day weekend. Since we were unable to stay the entire weekend, we just went for the day, experienced the record breaking heat first hand, and left just in time before the thunderstorms hit! Got home right before it started pouring! Perfect timing!

So now I have to remember to call the hospital tomorrow morning to see what they want. Hopefully, it's just the pre-admission stuff.

Broke heat records here today

Heat Wave

Originally performed by Martha & The Vandellas
A # 4 hit for them in 1963

Whenever I'm with him, somethin' inside
Starts to burnin', and I'm filled with desire.
Could it be a devil in me or is this the way love's supposed to be?

It's like a heat wave,
Burnin' in my heart,
I can't keep from cryin',
It's tearin' me apart.

Whenever he calls my name, sounds slow, sweet and plain,
Right here, right there, I feel the burnin' flame.
There's a hot lookin' dresser got a hold on me
Or is this the way love's supposed to be?

It's like a heat wave,
Burnin' in my heart,
I can't keep from cryin',
It's tearin' me apart.

(INSTRUMENTAL)

Sometimes I stare into space, tears all over my face,
I can't explain it, don't understand it,
I ain't never felt like this before.
Now that funny feeling has me amazed,
Don't know what to do my head's in a haze

It's like a heat wave. Yea yea yea yea, oh oh oh.

Help Me Make it Through the Night...

(Kris Kristofferson)

Take the ribbon from your hair
Shake it loose, let it fall
Lay it soft against my skin
Like the shadow on the wall

Come and lay down by my side
Till the early morning light
All I'm taking is your time
Help me make it through the night

I don't care what's right or wrong
I won't try to understand
Let the devil take tomorrow
'Cause tonight I need a friend

Yesterday is dead and gone
And tomorrow's out of sight
And it's sad to be alone
Help me make it through the night

I don't care what's right or wrong
I won't try to understand
Let the devil take tomorrow
'Cause tonight I need a friend

Yesterday is dead and gone
And tomorrow's out of sight
And it's sad to be alone
Help me make it through the night

I don't want to be alone
Help me make it through the night

Emotions in control

Ariel had her last grade school band concert tonight. I surprized myself and didn't get emotional. Thursday is her graduation luncheon, then the ceremony is Friday night. Not quite sure how to feel. I mean, I'm sad to see her leave her friends, but I know she'll make new ones. And I'm sad to see her going much farther away for high school, but it's the best place for her. This is so bittersweet. And she's been so upset lately that I don't want her to see me crying.

Phew!

I called the DR this morning and all she wanted was to tell me to have a 2D Echo-cardio gram w/doplar before my surgery. Thanks for increasing the strees level this weekend, doc!

Inspiration from JR

It can be annoying when bugs are hitting you in the face. And yet, it means you're moving along very fast.

It can be frustrating when obstacles keep popping up to block your path. And yet it is a sure sign that you're making progress.

It can take a great deal of effort to work through the challenges that arise each day. And yet the more difficult those challenges become, the higher you are climbing.

The faster you go, the more resistance you're likely to encounter. Fortunately, though, the faster you go, the more momentum you build.

As that momentum grows, you can more and more quickly turn the problems into opportunities. Though the challenges grow intense as you move faster, your ability to handle them grows at an even faster pace.

Choose to work through the obstacles, to seek out the challenges, and to not let the frustrations get you down. For as you move through them, you are moving toward success, achievement and fulfillment.

Here we go again...

Doesn't this seem like I'm repeating myself?

Perhaps, but that's what this blog is for: to keep track of my flare-ups, symptoms, & illnesses.

It hurts so much to cough! Not my chest or throat, but in my arm! Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone yanks my arm and it just keeps getting worse. It's not going away, and there really isn't anything I can take for it either. Although I am going to ask the DR for something tomorrow when I call her to find out what she wanted yesterday.

And not like this news will upset anyone, but I still can't talk. *ROLLS EYES*

Trying to cheer myself up

Trying to cheer myself up with a cute picture. Getting ready for the upcoming weekend, parade, BBQ & picnic.

Got a call from my primary care physician and she left her usual quick message so that we couldn't get to the phone in time, but I always get worried when she calls. She doesn't call with good news. Does any doctor? Anyway, I'm sure that she's calling with the results of one of the many tests I had earlier this week.

*ROLLS EYES*

I can't imagine what's wrong this time! Let's see...am I still too anemic? Or did they find more nodules in my lungs? Was my bleeding time too long? Or is my cholesterol too high? Nah, she wouldn't call for high cholesterol...

Maybe she's calling to tell me to cancel the sleep study test that's scheduled for after Memorial Day? I had asked her if I should cancel it due to the upcoming surgery but she said not to.

I just hope she's not calling to delay the surgery. I'm not sure how much longer I can tolerate this constant pain.

Aches & Pains R Us

Sorry I've not posted much lately, but I've been really sick. Still don't have a voice and my arm pain's getting worse. Now I'm just hoping that I can hold out until the 8th!

It's a beautiful day here & I wish I could go enjoy it. Maybe I'll just lay in my hammock. I can probably handle that.

OH F^(#!N@ BROTHER!

The surgeon's office called and changed the date of my surgery!
Moved it up a day to June 8th.

Rosetta sent me a neat site

Birthday calculator what your birthday says about you

Here are my results:

What your birthdate means

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Cancer.
Your Life path number is 6* see below.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 8, 11 & 22.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2437489.5.
The golden number for 1961 is 5.*
The epact number for 1961 is 13.*
The year 1961 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1961 and ending 2/4/1962.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Ox.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1961.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1961.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 15 February 1961.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1961.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1961.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 11 September 1961.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 1 April 1961.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 14 February 1961.

As of 5/17/2006 8:17:19 PM EDT
You are 44 years old.
You are 538 months old.
You are 2,340 weeks old.
You are 16,383 days old.
You are 393,212 hours old.
You are 23,592,737 minutes old.
You are 1,415,564,239 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 6.41213307240704 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 53 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 45 candles.

Those 45 candles produce 45 BTUs, or 11,340 calories of heat (that's only 11.3400 food Calories!) . You can boil 5.14 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1961 there were approximately 4.2 million births in the US.
In 1961 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1961 in the US there were approximately 1,523,000 marriages (8.5%) and 393,000 divorces (2.2%)
In 1961 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

Your birthstone is Ruby
The Mystical properties of Ruby

Ruby is said to open one's heart to love.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Carnelian

Your birth tree is

Fir Tree, the Mysterious

Extraordinary taste, dignity, cultivated airs, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to it,rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious uncontent lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

There are 222 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 235 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waning crescent.

Numerology what your name means

What your name means

There are 22 letters in your name.
Those 22 letters total to 96
There are 9 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 6

The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:
The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.

The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.

If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

====================================================================================

Your Life path number is 6 (6, 15/6, 24/6, 33/6)

The Life Path 6 suggests that you entered this plane with tools to become the ultimate nurturer, and a beacon for truth, justice, righteousness, and domesticity. Your paternal, or maternal, as the case may be, instincts with a 6 Life Path exceed all others by a considerable margin. Whether in the home or in the work place, you are the predominant caretaker and family head. While the 6 may assume significant responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Conservative principles and convictions are deeply ingrained and define your character.

You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.

This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.

In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don't function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.

It's likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.

The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It's easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become to hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.

The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.
====================================================================================

Golden Number:
A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold.

Epact Number:
The moon's age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year.

The Life Path Number
The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

Julian date:
The number of days since noon 4713 BC January 1.

I'm so tired...

I'm so tired
I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired
My mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no

I'm so tired
I don't know what to do
I'm so tired
My mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you
But I know what you would do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke
It's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep
I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks
I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

I'm so tired
I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired
I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walther Raleigh
He was such a stupid get

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke
It's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep
I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks
I'm going insane
You know, I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind

Lack of sleep makes me irritable, to say the least

I had my pre-op tests done today: 5 blood tests (one was fasting), a bleed time to clot test, an EKG, a urinalysis and a chest x-ray. I look like a pin cushion! And she told me NOT to remove one of the bandages until tomorrow. She didn't want the bleed time test to leave a scar.

Yesterday I discussed working out with the neurosurgeon's nurse and she suggested walking, which doesn't work for me because of my leg problems. Then she suggested swimming but retracted it when she realized that it'd be hard on my neck. So I'm stuck until the physical therapy. And not only can I feel myself getting flabby but I've lost what little stamina I gained from working out & raising my metabolism.

I'm trying not to worry, but my friend who had the back surgery from the same team of doctors, is STILL in the hospital and had to have MORE surgery on Monday! Apparently, something wasn't healing properly for she was losing blood and they had to go back in to determine why. Her surgeon is assiting my surgeon. So much for her only being in the hospital for four days. Today marked 2 weeks! I think her surgery was/will be far more complex than mine since she had two vertibrae fused. She needed to have a back brace made. They told me that I won't need one but I'll get a collar.

I haven't been talking about it, just writing, and I think it's getting to me as I've been having the weirdest dreams lately! Well, when I actually sleep, anyway.

Going back to bed...again

I'm so darned tired. :( Sure would be nice if I could sleep at night. I almost signed on last night to post about not sleeping but I opted to stay in bed--just too darned tired to get up.

Couldn't find the lyrics for Can't Sleep by the Rockets. I must be the only person who remembers them. I should just get the album out.

I couldn't sleep at all last night
Just a thinking of you..
Baby things weren't right
Well I was tossin and turning
Turning and tossin
Toss and turn all night..

I kicked the blankets on the floor,
Turned my pillow upside down...
I never never did before..
Because I was tossin and turning
Turning and tossin
Toss and turn all night..

Jumped out of bed..
Turned on the light,
Pulled down the shade
Went to the kitchen for a bite..

Rolled up the shade,
Turned off the light,
I jumped back into bed
It was the middle of the night...

The clock downstairs was striking 4
Couldn't get you off my mind...
I heard the milkman at the door..
Cause I was tossin and turning
Turning and tossin
Toss and turn all night..

Jumped out of bed..
Turned on the light,
Pulled down the shade
Went to the kitchen for a bite..

Rolled up the shade,
Turned off the light,
I jumped back into bed
It was the middle of the night...

The clock downstairs was striking 4
Couldn't get you off my mind...
I heard the milkman at the door..
Cause I was tossin and turning
Turning and tossin
Toss and turn all night..

Update

Well, here's the latest from this morning's visit with the neurosurgeon:

My surgery is scheduled for Friday, June 9th at Elmhurst Memorial Hospital, provided all my preliminary tests are OK. DR said that it's not an emergency but it shouldn't wait, either. So I asked if I could wait until the kids are out of school, since Ariel's graduating from 8th grade. He asked when they'd be done & I said that Aaron finishes June 2nd. Then he said that he'd be out of town until the 8th so he said the 9th and hubby & I said OK.

He said that I will be in a surgical chair, sitting up but facing downward so that he & his partner (who just did my friend, Barbara's back surgery) will be able to access my spine easier.

He said I'd be in the hospital for 2-4 days, but my primary care physician said probably 4-5 since she knows me better. He said I'll need physical therapy and it'd be 4-6 weeks before I've fully recovered. He said that I'll have no energy until then. I said that I already don't have any energy!

So hubby's going to take a few weeks off from work, which is good since he never uses all of his vacation anyway. Both kids will be in band camp the week after so he'll get to take them.

He showed me the MRI of my head & neck, which I thought was REALLY cool--until he pointed ouit the tumor, that is. It's covering almost 2/3 of the C7 vertibrae and pushing my spinal cord over to the left. He said that he might have to remove part of the bone, and hopes that it's not encompassing the spinal cord itself. I wish I could say that it hasn't been bothering me.

So there's the latest. If anything should change, I'll let you know.

Mother's Day

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I'm wondering why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all
Since you¹ve been gone
Away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What I might say
There's a message
In the wild
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know
How desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world
I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand
And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say
And there's a message that I'm sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I keep lying to myself
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away
I ain't missing you
No matter
What my friends say
Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I keep lying to myself
Ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you
Ain't missing you
Oh no
No matter what my friends might say
I ain't missing you

Quick update

My appt with the neurosurgeon is tomorrow morning. I think I'm more concerned than I'm letting on since I've been scarfing down chocolate again...

Plus I've been in horrible pain all weekend and seriously contemplated going to the ER yesterday.

I'll post here as soon as I get back.

In too much pain to function

My left arm hurts so badly again today. It began Tuesday night and hasn't stopped. I called the neurosurgeon's office last week & this week to get in sooner but there were no cancellations--not like people who have an appointment with a neurogurgeon cancel often.

I'm wondering if this stupid thing's getting bigger & affecting my right side now...

I'm so darned tired! I'm going back to bed. Thank God for that luxury.

This is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time!

Hey guys!! My friend Jill shared this with me and I'm having a ball, once I found a GOOD pic of myself, that is! ;)

face recognition

You upload a pic of youself and they compare it to celebs and show you who you most resemble in order by their highest percentage matches.

So trust me on the GOOD pic part. I don't like reading that I look like Truman Capote!!!

ROTFLMFAO!!!

Funny inspirational site

If you're having a bad day this will help.

farmer-donkey

And if you're having a good day, watch it anyway!!

Watch the entire thing...it's less than 1 minute long...TRUST ME!

I received this blessing & am passing it on

Repeat after me:

God has kept me here for a reason.
I survived because He has a plan for me.
All my bad relationships, the bad credit, the
Repossessions, the death of my loved ones, the back stabbing from my
Friends, the negative thoughts, or the lack of support; I made it
Because I am blessed!
I release and let go of all past hurts, misunderstandings
and grudges because I am blessed! I recognize them as the illusions
They are, for God is all there is. All else is a lie!

Now give yourself a hug, wipe your tears and walk in victory!!!!!!!! I
love you, but more appropriately God loves you BEST! Be blessed and
know that you are at one with THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD!

"The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another".
Genesis 31:49. Amen!

Now since you are a true child of God, you know that with every
Blessing, a blessing is required! So bless another, by passing this on.

IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, GOD WILL BLESS IT RIGHT!!
Be Blessed

The Will of GOD will never take you where the GRACE of GOD will not protect you.

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

I LOVE Clerks! Haven't seen Napolean Dynamite or Garden State.

May Crowning

May Crowning mass was very nice. The 8th graders are still considered confirmandi so that's why they wore their robes.

After mass I got to talk w/some other moms who I don't get to see too often any more. One of them, Sheila, is a nurse in the day surgery wing at Elmhurst hospital, so I told her about my schwanoma. She said that mine might win an award for the biggest one ever. SHEESH! I just figured I'd ask her since she might be assisting. She did say that it's not any kind of fluid-filled cyst that can just be removed w/a needle in the office. So it sounds like I may be in for a few days. She also asked if I was having any leg pain and I said no, just the nerve pain in my left arm & now my neck. :(

Which reminds me--I need to call the DR to tell him about the new symptoms.

Yep. It's always something

I told hubby about my neck and he asked if that was something new & I said yes. So now he says I should call the surgeon & let him know. ?? I said that I have an appt on the 15th but then he said that if I have a new symptom then the surgeon needs to know about it and maybe he can get me in sooner with the neurosurgeon. So I guess I'll call his office tomorrow morning.

Frustrated

You never realize how much your neck affects your daily behavior until you consciously think about what you're trying to do. I thought I could do some ab work--nope. Yoga? Nope. Cardio's DEFINITLEY out.

I hate to admit that it's getting worse since I'm trying not to think about it, but yesterday I had to go to the bank so I went to the drive-up window and almost started crying JUST to put the stupid payment in that tube-thing. It shouldn't hurt to do daily activities! And now it hurts to drive?!? What's up with that?? It hurts to turn my head to back out of the driveway, to look to turn the corner, basically to see at all while I'm driving. This is SO not good!!

Now I really feel like a prisoner...I wonder if I can just walk the few places that I need to go. Not sure what I'll do about tuba-boy tho.

I ain't missing you at all...

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
bleed into one
But yes I'm still running.
You broke the bonds
You loosened the chains
You carried the cross
And my shame
And my shame
You know I believed it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

*SIGH*

I'm just hanging in here, going stir crazy not being able to work out. Even stretching hurts, but I still try...

My surgeon wants to be involved with the neurosurgeon so that if they have to remove the lump under my arm (which started this whole thing), they can just do it together.

I'll know more on the 15th. And I'll probably weigh more then, too. I just wish chocolate didn't make me feel better, then it'd be easier to avoid it.